What Does Your Village Look Like?

WARNING – This post is a bit of a rant!

Since becoming a mom, I have heard the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child”, a number of times. I recently thought about our village and it made me wonder what the villages of other families look like.  Our village includes grandparents on both sides, aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends who we call “auntie”, friends with children the same age as ours and our church. Eventually our village will include teachers and coaches.

Realizing that teachers and coaches will soon be part of our village, I began wondering when or why teachers, while still part of the process or raising our children lost their authority over our children?  In the national news, there is the story of a bus monitor being bullied by middle school students, because they knew she had no authority.  Why? Why does an adult have no authority over a child that is not theirs?  In other countries, such as Japan, teachers are treated with the utmost respect and regard.  Here  is an excerpt, written by Benjamin Vogler of www.cosmonification.de .

“In East Asia the status of a person depends on the fact that he "is someone" and that he occupy a corresponding position. Whereas in Germany professional authorities are esteemed highly, that means, people who "can do something" and who are therefore experts (cf. REISCH/TANG 1992, p. 15).

Teachers, lecturers, superiors and elder persons are natural persons of respect, who need not legitimize themselves. They are not scrutinized and criticized. Criticism, confrontation are considered as disrespectful and impolitely to a maximal extent, even aggressive or hurtful, this is a sign of bad education. Discussions and contradictions are unusual, hints on mistakes as well (cf.REISCH/TANG 1992, p. 6).”

When did teachers lose this authority here in the US? 

Please don’t misunderstand me.  As a teacher, I relish a student who finds my mistakes and can bring them up appropriately, because it shows students that I am fallible, that everyone makes mistakes and hopefully my resilience and recovery show my students how to handle those mistakes.  However, teachers who are entrusted with our most precious of gifts, have lost the authority in which to help shape those gifts into their best person.

Recently, I was talking with my wife about her childhood “village” which included a family that she spent most afternoons with. She has always regarded this family as a part of her village often calling the kids in the other family her sisters and brother. My wife told a story about doing something to her “brother” and how “her other mother” disciplined her for her behavior.  I want that.  I want a village where my son knows that he has to behave because all the adults around him can and will discipline him and I will back them up.  Don’t get me wrong, I will support my son but also want him to respect authority, all authority. 

We recently attended the Amherst Recreation department’s Teddy Bear Picnic (a fantastic event, by the way) and I looked around and realized that here in Amherst we do have a village, a community that will help us to bring up our kids.  I noticed faces that I have met while being involved in local boards of directors and other town events, so maybe my rant here is preaching to the choir. However, if you see my son being rude, disrespectful or otherwise requiring discipline…don’t hesitate to do something or say something!

Ok I am stepping off my soap box! 

Have a safe and Happy Fourth of July!